After 9 months of pregnancy and an additional 6 months of caring for a newborn, there is nothing quite so exciting for a mum, as a night out or any social event involving no children and available alcohol. It is a recipe for pure, blissful, mum madness.
You might have experienced mum madness this summer: at a hen do or a wedding; or you might just have witnessed it: hoards of mothers joyfully pouring wine into their already full glasses, pulling their partners by the ties up onto the dance floor, giddily reapplying makeup in the ladies, pulling up their Bridget stomach-holding-in-pants and drunkenly rambling on about their children. Not to mention breast pumps flying under the partition to the next toilet cubicle, rounds of delicious-but-lethal cocktails and so many pouting selfies.
I have had a whale of a time this summer celebrating with my friends doing all of the above and yesterday was the last big event, so tonight I am feeling: socially content, absolutely exhausted and a tad hungover. Not a perfect combo for writing; so bullet points will have to do for you lovely readers (probably just as well if you are all hungover too?)
Here are my highlights of the summer of mum-madness:
- My two friends disappearing into the single cubicle of a club to pump out their breastmilk, emerging 15 minutes later to some bewildered looks from the queue of scantily-clad, orange faced, slug-eyebrowed girls.
- The wonderful cleavage suddenly developed by said friends halfway through the evening – ENVIABLE!!
- Having child-free time to apply my makeup, get dressed and do my hair. Which actually resulted in about 2 hours of fidgeting to wait for the girls without children to get ready. Turns out us mums were just too speedy…
- Adult conversation. Even if we did end up discussing turkey basters and poos at one point.
- Prosecco. Lots of it.
- Properly engaging with my friends. Hearing what they are up to/think/would like to do without someone whining “mummy….”
- Wearing dresses and heels.
- Wearing clothes without sick/snot/food on them.
- Having a LIE in on a hen weekend.
- Having smooth legs every weekend, even if it did mean having shower schizophrenia.
Here are the not-so-highlights
- Joyfully arriving home at 2am (“can you believe we stayed up til 1.30?! We’re so rock & roll!”) then being woken up by demanding children at 6am. Or worse, after falling into that first deepest of deep sleeps, at around 3am. The pain! The pain!!
- Being leered at by gross checkered-shirt, silent-but-deadly-farting men in clubs. Why, oh why, do these said males (always, always on their own) think that a group of happy, child free, gorgeous ladies on their one night of FREEDOM would just LOVE him to join them all in their circle for a dance. BUGGER OFF.
- Having to pack the children’s stuff up for childcare as well as our bags, and plan an outfit and de-fuzz, wash hair, paint nails and ACTUALLY GET THERE.
- Being told that I dance like a mum (…?)
But it was worth it. So worth it. No one appreciates a night out more than a mother.
Thanks for the happy times, ladies. Now I think I need a little detox before we get to Christmas…
Have you experienced mum madness this summer?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, please comment below!
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