Irrational thoughts of the post-natal woman

 

  1. My husband is the most wonderful man I have ever met.
  2. My husband is the most irritating man I have ever met.
  3. If I eat less and exercise more, I will lose my baby weight.
  4. I am going to eat a whole packet of biscuits, whilst I work out what to cook everyone else for dinner.
  5. (If bottle feeding) My boobs look like those mini bean bags we used to use in PE lessons.
  6. (If breastfeeding) My boobs look like someone has hooked me up to an electric air bed pump and forgotten about me.
  7. My vagina resembles the perplexed face emoji.
  8. …sad face.
  9. I think baby is going to sleep through tonight.
  10. I felt so much better when I had 4 hours sleep…I’ve just had 6 hours and I feel half dead.
  11. It’s my 6 week check tomorrow! I hope my partner and I can get a free moment together where we are not tired…
  12. I’ve now had my 6 week check. But my hormones have suddenly changed: I never want to have sex again.
  13. Oh what – I have to have a period now? And every month until menopause?
  14. …unless I get pregnant again?! Are you frigging kidding me?
  15. I can’t wait to have a big night with the girls.
  16. I can’t wait to go to bed at 9pm with hot chocolate and a book and sleep for 8 hours.
  17. Hooray! I’m too small for my maternity clothes!
  18. Oh christ. I’m too massive for my ‘old’ clothes.
  19. If there’s one thing I am determined to keep up, it’s my personal appearance.
  20. My new BFFs: baby wipes and dry shampoo.
  21. I need to treat myself to some new, comfortable and stylish outfits.
  22. Once I am back to my old size I will buy new threads; until then, leggings and a maternity top are great.
  23. Yes! – at last I can get out and about again.
  24. I can’t remember how my car works.
  25. It’s so cute when my toddler is playing with the baby.
  26. I need to install a safety alarm system around the baby.
  27. I can’t wait to show off my new little bundle to everyone at work.
  28. Just popping out to get some formula…please let no one see me.
  29. In about 18 months I will be well rested and healthy.
  30. In about 18 months I will have a toddler.
This Mum's Life

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13 thoughts on “Irrational thoughts of the post-natal woman

  1. Hehe!!!!! I recognise every single one of these!!!! Number 30 is the harsh realisation isn’t it…?!! And I always strangely feel worse when I’ve had more sleep, why the hell does that have to happen?! I’m sooooo over periods too-I went on an ‘I’m going to be toxin free and live a better life’ thing after baby 2, and decided I’d be having no hormonal contraceptive intervention. The only available option for that is a hormone free coil-which has given me the most ridiculously heavy periods, which are worse than when you’ve just given birth!! I need to just get it taken out, I drink so much wine and coffee that the toxin free thing isn’t really working out for me anyway!! Bloody hormones-you’ve hit the nail on the head with every single one!!
    #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Apart from the six hours of sleep (seriously, he’s almost a year and has only just mastered this) and the old emoji vag (c-section babies, lovely intact ladyparts thankyouverymuch haha!) I can definitely relate. Hormones and sleep deprivation make you nuts.
    Thanks for coming along to #chucklemums!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LOL, 1 and 2 are so true, sleep deprivation and hormones make the most amazing partner seem like such a tit. Also loved 29 and 30, just about putting my head above the parapet now I have tweenagers!! very funny post #chucklemums

    Liked by 1 person

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