20 weird facts about parenting

1 – You can easily go a whole morning without uttering a word to your partner or even looking them in the eye. No, you haven’t had an argument, you have just been busy. My husband and I now find that a friendly “hi” and a high five keeps us going until later on in the day when we can exchange a few words, probably about the baby’s bowels. If we do try to talk about anything non-child related it is usually interrupted with “mummy! wee-wee-wee-wee!” (cue frog-marching the toddler to the potty) or “waaaaaa!” (it’s time for her feed again).

2- Talking of which, you find there is nothing more rewarding after three days of your baby being constipated, than hearing them heave for the poo of their life. Except, seeing the poo in the nappy. No wait, watching the poo, being squeezed out like toothpaste, onto the changing mat. So satisfying.

3- You don’t talk to your partner, but if you happen to go into a shop/bump into a neighbour/take a parcel from a courier, you prattle on at them like a mad old lady.

4- Rather than go to sleep when baby sleeps, you stay up like a rebellious pre-schooler, enjoying your “me time” BECAUSE YOU CAN.

5 – After the children have gone to bed your husband calls you “Mummy” by mistake. And after laughing your head off at him (and therefore almost collapsing your pelvic floor), you utter the name “Daddy” a few days later. It’s weird and embarrassing and should never be mentioned again by us, or anyone, and never ever put on the internet.

6 – You get excited when you get a lie-in one morning: 7.30am!!!

7 – Your music taste froze in 2001, as your parents’ did in 1978, and so it will continue…and you don’t see any problem with that.

8 – The nearest you get to a night out is a toddler sensory session in a village hall at 10am on a rainy Monday. Down a fruit shoot, and who needs Ibiza?

9 – Eating biscuits/chocolate/cake in a dark corner out of your child’s sight, and then serving them carrot sticks and hummus as a snack, is perfectly acceptable.

10 – When trying to decide a baby name, after ploughing through every name book and website for months you find you can’t agree on any name. ANY NAME?! Out of ALL THE NAMES EVER?!?

11 – In baby name desperation, you start thinking of names that aren’t real…what about Teaspoon? That’s cute. Or Butterkin? Dalmatia? Elegant. Button? Sweet. Steel? A strong name! Tarmac? Kooky…

12 – Going to work is your new holiday.

13 – Driving to work alone is like flying first class.

14 – Finding a top in your wardrobe that hasn’t got sick/food/play-doh stains on it is rarer than finding a winning lottery ticket at the bottom of your changing bag.

15 – You used to find the board room at work stressful. Now you feel the same in a room made entirely of foam and plastic coloured balls, with carefree children larking about. What’s wrong with you?!

16 – A night out has to be scheduled in four to six months in advance. Hopefully you won’t be pregnant again by then.

17 – Six weeks after having a baby you forget that your hormones are going insane whilst they adjust back to normal levels, and you find yourself intensely broody. Just. Lock. Me. Up.

18 – Baby dresses in cute (expensive) JoJo Maman Bebe outfits and toddler wears gorgeous (pricey) Mini Boden dresses with headbands and tights. You wear tracksuit bottoms from Tesco and a top from Peacocks.

19 – When going into hospital to give birth, you are excited about having some “me time” during labour.

20 – Despite all of the above; you love your lifestyle, baby, toddler and partner more than ever. So weird.

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22 thoughts on “20 weird facts about parenting

  1. Yup, yup and yup!! I do the chocolate thing more than I should, nights out what are they? lol. Being pregnant Hubby lets me lie in at weekends till about 8am!! Before something wakes me up again…or I need to put up FB threads lol. Will keep an eye out for whole broody at 6 weeks thing as this is it two is our limit! Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClubUK hope to see you again this week x

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  2. This is brilliant (again) I really HATE it when I see couples call it each other Mummy and Daddy and sometimes I find that I slip into it and when I do I am always appalled and it makes me a feel little sick inside. I am not why I have such an extreme reaction! 🙂 #chucklemums

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    • It’s awful isn’t it?! Remember being at school and calling the teacher Mum by mistake? It’s like that x100. And if anything was ever on the cards for that night, it is a definite mood killer, haha! Thanks for reading x

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  3. Oh this is so funny – I’ve got tears streaming! Going to work feels like a holiday, driving in a car alone feels like first class. I’m impressed that you worry you may be pregnant lovely for date night – when do you have time to make a bloody baby?! Just brilliant and really really made me laugh #chucklemums

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    • Thank you so much for reading, glad you enjoyed it! I am going to a hen do in August and a wedding in September and I will absolutely definitely not be pregnant for either of them – for, I think, the first time in 3 years! Hooray! x

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    • The broodiness left me after weeks 6-8 (with the growth spurt!!) thank goodness! So I now feel relatively sane again. (In fact I am not sure we can even cope with a dog now!!) Thanks for reading and hosting chuckle mums – loved it. x

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  4. Hhahah, I remember seeing the first toothpaste poo! I was proud of the sheer amount tbh! Thanks for linking 😀 #chucklemums P.S I once, err, *knew* a really fit Aussie guy called Steel. Great name hahaha

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    • That toothpaste poo is so satisfying. I haven’t seen one for a while, I seem to keep picking up a very happy gurgling baby with a heavy warm nappy already done (lovely). Funnily enough I think only a fit Aussie could get away with the name Steel!!! Thanks for reading and I loved chucklemums this week (as you can tell from the tweets). x

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  5. 2,3,4 and 17 are me all over! This is so SPOT ON its scary, and your right, why go why do i feel broody when i already have two horrors that don’t sleep?! Reality check needed over here STAT! #chucklemums

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    • Haha glad it’s just me that’s not the crazy one! Although it just took the 6-8 week growth spurt to change my mind about the broodiness!! Thank goodness – could have been dangerous! Thanks for reading x

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  6. This is all so true. Especially number 4. Even if I stay up till midnight, Mother will stay up til 1am – just so she can have an ‘evening.’ And her and Father always refer to each other as ‘mummy and daddy’ (I just threw up in my mouth a little). And the woman is elated if I do a poo after bicycle wheels and rubbing my constipated little tummy. And people think babies are odd….;) #chucklemums

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  7. I agree with so much of this post especially the best dressed baby and mum in cheap as chips stuff. Layla-Rose has been bought some super fancy clothes like Ralph Lauren and Ted Baker by her grandparents but I’m still rocking primark clothes from about 5 years ago!

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    • Haha, I know it’s terrible isn’t it?! The funny thing is my daughter is much happier in her Primark rabbit onesie than her Jojo cord dress and tights so her wardrobe isn’t even appreciated! The other day I had shoes on from Tesco F & F – they cost £6 whilst tot wore her £35 clarks’. I can’t help but buy her cute and lovely things though. Hoping my threads will improve in future years…! Thanks for reading x

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  8. You had me chuckling all the way through with a wry smile. Particularly liked 10 and 11, Tarmac – thats classic. Appaz Tuppence is popular nowadays – quite cute in a made up name kinda way. You’re right about the music and what’s worse you start liking your kids favourites like Bieber and Little Mix -or is that just me! x

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    • Well I do find myself singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star quite often at the moment, as well as the Balamory theme tune…in comparison Little Mix is pretty cool!!

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