Supermarket hell

This morning I went into town with baby, whilst my cheeky toddler is at nursery. She goes for two mornings a week, so that I can get all the chores for the week done without fuss, in an eighth of the time it would usually take.

I didn’t intend to go to the supermarket, it just happened. It seemed so easy. Baby was asleep, I could steer the pram with two hands and I didn’t have to pull 2 stones of toddler along the floor by her reins. “Yey!” I thought, “I feel so chilled out! Let’s just ‘pop’ in quickly to get a few bits…”

There were loads of offers so as I was toddler free I took my time – half a luxurious hour later I was just managing to push the pram round with the rammed basket dangling precauriously on the handles. Baby was stirring, grunting and grizzling. “Ok sweetie, mummy’s finished now, just hold off for a moment..”

I got to the checkouts to find there had been a zombie apocalypse. There was no one to be seen; the silence echoed. Unusual for 9.15 on a Tuesday morning. Baby let out a sharp terradaptor cry. Panicking ever so slightly, my eyes searched back down the aisles for signs of life: there was a teenage boy stocking shelves. Further on the other side of the store, the cigarette counter was being restocked by another shop worker; chatting to a third member of staff, who was clutching a set of keys and looking quite important. I made eye contact with her. “The self service tills are free” she said in a bored nasal tone, pointing to a set of computer screens.

Hmm, thanks a bloody lot.

Baby was starting to go red by now, boiling point was near. There was nothing for it but to take on another role: checkout girl: let’s just get this done! I scanned my items through and stuffed them into two flimsy plastic bags. The computer froze several times: ‘please rescan your item’; ‘please wait for assistance’; ‘unexpected item in the fucking bagging area’…By now, baby was red hot in her fluffy winter coat and the dummy I pressed into her mouth was duly cast like a bullet into the chocolate shelf. I grabbed the flying dummy – and a chocolate bar at the same time – and continued to pursue this ridiculous task. Every time I messed up, Mrs I Am Very Important With My Keys would approach the computer and correct it for me with  an air of the highest authority. After what seemed forever, my shopping was complete. ‘Do you have a club card?’ asked the computer. ‘Yes but I can’t be arsed to get it out’ I retorted. ‘Please enter the amount of bags used’: ‘2’. ‘You will now be charged for the bags’. ‘And lovely bags they are too’, I replied, getting a strange look from the girl next to me about to enter self-service hell. Oh – she also had a baby! A fellow inhabitant! “It’s so difficult doing this with children,” I rattled, “I will shop online next time.” She smiled sympathetically and turned away.

Ok, maybe it’s just me.

I manoeuvred my shopping into the bottom of the pram just before the over-packed-5p-thin-as-a-nappy-sack bags split in half, and walked out of the dark and into the sun, chomping my chocolate bar and smiling at my babe who had finally gone back to sleep.

….now, I think I remembered to take my card out of the chip & pin device…

Mummy Rules x

#bigpinklink

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6 thoughts on “Supermarket hell

  1. On the bright side…..you got chocolate. I absolutely hate supermarkets and every single person in them (is that too much). There must be some evidence that says stressed people spend more money, because I’m convinced shops make it difficult on purpose. #bigpinklink

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    • Yep that’s true! Not that I need anymore chocolate after Easter…yep I have a much better experience in independent shops but just don’t go to them often enough. Online is less stress but it’s nice to pick your own food occasionally! Anyway I won’t be going back there for a while!

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  2. Oh I do have issue with those ‘look at me with my keys’ jobs worths!! They could’ve opened a till for you!! I’m super impressed that you attempted the supermarket with a new born-hats off!! I was terrified of going when my first was born, and had done online ever since… Until a couple of weeks ago when I’d forgotten to do it for several days in a row, and had NOTHING to feed anybody with, so was forced to go for the first time in 3 years, with the 2 toddlers… It actually went ok, they were fascinated by this new experience, but subsequent trips have proved less successful, with boredom striking, pointing and wanting, tantrums, screaming… Eek! And I’ve noticed that everyone in there seems to be sooo miserable!! It’s like a pool of misery! Definitely online from now on!! I’m glad you got some chocolate, and that it didn’t end in tears all round!! Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink!

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  3. I’m glad you got a leisurely stroll round the supermarket, shame about the ignorance shop assistant though! Your writing is really funny, I really enjoyed this post. I really hope you enjoyed the chocolate bar 😉 xxx #BigPinkLink

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh god, oh god, I’ve been there SO many times. I swear regularly at self-service checkouts and I’m sure lots of people in my hometown now avoid me when they see me because they think I’m ‘that weird mum’. You are not alone (very well written, too!!) #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

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